A small-group weekend retreat for kinky GBTQ+ men
This is a weekend for kinky GBTQ+ men who want to feel more present, more connected, and more at ease in their desires — without having to perform, prove, or chase.
You might be active in the fetish scene and still enjoy it — and also notice that some of what you’re doing no longer leads to the depth, intimacy, or satisfaction you’re actually looking for.
You don’t want to give up kink.
You don’t want to sanitise desire.
You do want to relate to sex, power, and connection more honestly.
This retreat offers a chance to step slightly to the side of the scene, slow the pace, and explore how you relate to kink, sex, power, and intimacy — without losing your edge or your identity.
This retreat is for those of us who are starting to notice that who you are inside and the way you show up to others are not in step - even in spaces that should be accepting. Or perhaps you're starting to notice you're going through the motions, repeating old patterns in sex, events, or behaviours and it's just not giving you the buzz you need.
You've worked hard to become who you are, you're proud of what you show to the world… but maybe it's time for a rethink as it doesn't fit so well any more. Do the scene, or your relationships, or your sex life feel like they aren't working for you now? This is the retreat for you.
What this weekend is about
Across the weekend, we’ll explore questions such as:
- What am I actually seeking when I go to play, party, hook up, or inhabit a role?
- Where am I choosing freely — and where am I running on habit, expectation, or validation?
- How do power, fantasy, sex, shame, and connection interact in my life?
- What kind of intimacy do I want, on and off the scene?
- How do I build real relationships with people who value me for more than just my body?
This is not about labels, techniques, or being told how to do kink “properly”.
It’s about awareness, choice, and relational depth.
You will leave with:
- Greater clarity about what does and doesn’t work for you
- Less pressure to perform a particular version of sexuality, kink or masculinity
- A more intentional relationship with desire and power
- A stronger sense of presence and ease with others
Honest about kink — without acting it out
This is not an erotic retreat — but it is erotically honest.
We won’t shy away from explicit conversation about kink, sex, power, fantasy, desire, shame, drugs, or behaviour. Plain language is welcome.
What we won’t be doing is acting these things out.
There is:
- No nudity
- No sexual activity
- No erotic play
- No drugs or alcohol
Which is not to say we disapprove of any of the above - that's your decision. We just won't be inviting them in here.
The work is reflective rather than erotic — engaging honestly with desire without turning it into performance.
How the weekend unfolds
Rather than a rigid timetable, the weekend follows a clear and intentional flow.
Friday evening – arriving & orienting
We slow the pace, set shared agreements, and create a container where people can relate as themselves rather than as roles.
Saturday morning – frameworks & orientation
Light teaching introduces ways of thinking about power, kink, validation, intimacy, and connection. These are offered as lenses for noticing patterns, not rules to follow.
Saturday afternoon – making it personal
Guided reflection, paired work, and small-group conversation explore what this means for you.
Saturday evening – optional breathwork journey
An optional, facilitated breathwork session offers a more experiential route into insight and emotional movement. This is clearly bounded and entirely optional.
Sunday – integration & next steps
We focus on making sense of what’s emerged, identifying what you want to take forward, and how to support yourself beyond the weekend.
The setting
The retreat takes place in a private country house, offering a calm and contained environment away from everyday noise.
Participants stay in nearby hotels and come together at the house during the day. Lunches and dinners are shared, allowing connection to deepen naturally — without the intensity of communal sleeping arrangements.
The group is intentionally small (around 10–12 people), so the weekend feels cozy, human, and held rather than crowded.
Accommodation & getting there
Participants arrange their own accommodation in nearby hotels or guesthouses.
The venue has parking available, and taxis are easily available from Witham and surrounding areas.
Full address and arrival details will be shared with confirmed attendees closer to the event.
Food
Refreshments, lunches (Saturday and Sunday) and dinners (Friday and Saturday) are included during the retreat.
As this is a small retreat, we can accommodate basic dietary requirements but cannot guarantee meeting complex or highly specific needs. If you have dietary requirements and are unsure whether we can accommodate them, please contact us before booking.
For more information about the venue, click here.
Support & integration
Alongside the group work:
- The Saturday evening breathwork session is optional
- Paul will offer optional, free 30-minute one-to-one counselling sessions during the weekend for those who would find individual integration support helpful
These sessions are brief and focused on integration.
They are not therapy or crisis support.
We will also signpost next steps in your journey whether with us at consciouslykinky.org or others.
Who this is for
This retreat is likely to be a good fit if you:
- Have experience of the kink / fetish scene
- Are curious about your own patterns, not just other people’s behaviour
- Want depth and honesty without losing your kink identity
- Are willing to engage reflectively with others in a small group
Many people who come will be saying something like:
“I don’t want to stop being kinky — I just want to relate to it more consciously.”
Who this may not be for
This retreat may not be a good fit if you:
- Are primarily looking for sexual or romantic connection
- Want a play party, skills training, or erotic intensity
- Are seeking therapy or treatment
- Are not ready to engage with others in a reflective group setting
Who’s running the retreat
The weekend is co-facilitated by:
Matthew — Coach, hypnotherapist, and educator, working extensively with kinky and LGBTQ+ men around shame, identity, power, and intimacy.
Paul — Counsellor and therapist, offering grounded relational support and helping participants integrate what emerges.
Together, we offer a kink-aware, LGBTQ+-affirming space that balances depth, structure, and personal responsibility — without pathologising kink or sanitising it.
A final note on fit
This is a retreat, not a series of classes.
You’ll be invited to reflect, engage, and take responsibility for your own process — with support, structure, and guidance along the way.
If you’re unsure whether this is a good fit for you, you’re very welcome to message us via OutSavvy before booking.